hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
