That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
