i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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