getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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