I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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