i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
