They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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