tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
