shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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