I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
