Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize