I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
