i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
