The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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