I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize