Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
