we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude i'm inner monologue high
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize