So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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