the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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