so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
