Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
