I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
