awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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