Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
