the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
