hotel room ftw
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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