and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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