Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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