her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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