I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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