this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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