i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
