Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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