Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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