if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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