I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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