Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
