I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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