Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I love having hate sex.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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