I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is it because I queefed?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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