she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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