I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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