I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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