I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
