I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
