god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
