yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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