I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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