Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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