it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize