weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
