If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
