The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
