I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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