There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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