At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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