He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
