some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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