I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
