i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
