I must be too annoying 4 u.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
