So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
