dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Quick, to the slutcave!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
