she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Someone signed my nipple.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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