The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
