I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
