and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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