its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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