so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
