Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
