Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
