he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
