life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize