my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
