Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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