I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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