Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
