He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
