Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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