I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
