ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
