she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
