Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
