Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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