I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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