I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
