based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
