Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think my fart just growled at me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize