would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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