I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
