What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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