That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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