Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
