Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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