If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
