I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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