She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
