Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
