What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
