I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
